It Wasn't An Oompa Loompa

The Halloween Rundown:

I got to work this morning, and the secretary at one of my work sites was in my office:

XX:  you have to help me!
Me:  oh crap, what happened?
XX:  I NEED a costume! Everybody else in the office is dressed up!
Me:  I thought you had one, what happened to that?
XX:  Well, I was in my negative last night, and so I didn't finish putting it together

(She uses the phrase "in my  negative" to talk about her state of mind when she just has a hard time and can't deal with stuff ... and I LOVE it ... from now on, I will be "in my negative")

Me:  ok, what's the plan?
XX:  Well, I put my hair up with a wire hanger, see?

(She did, in fact, have two braids sticking out from the top of her head in a backward sort of direction, and I thought it looked so cool, I asked her how to do it, so that I could wear my hair like that sometime, too.  XX:  oh cool! you're gonna do it for Halloween, too?  Me:  um, yeah, Halloween, that's definitely what I was thinking of).

Me:  very cool
XX:  And now, I'm gonna be a cockroach
Me:  what?
XX:  yes, I'm gonna make a cockroach costume out of brown butcher paper, see?

(She did, in fact, have the biggest piece of brown butcher paper I've ever seen).

Me:  uh huh
XX:  and I need you to help cut it to fit around me, and then staple it to me
Me:  you want me to staple the paper TO you?  I think that's illegal
XX:  then staple it AROUND me
Me:  ok, got it, stapling around ...
XX:  make sure you get the shape right
Me:  got it
XX:  and make sure it's secure so it won't fall off
Me:  got it
XX:  and remember to draw the lines on it going in the right direction
Me:  cockroach butt lines .... got it
XX:  good, how's it look?

And then, my friends, a few staples, and marker traces later (the good kind of marker, the one that smells like paint thinner and makes the moment a little better), the makeshift paper cockroach costume began to take shape, and her hanger braids looked like antennae, and one of the maintenance guys made her cockroach wings -- like those giant, terrifying flying cockroaches -- out of spare maintenance stuff he scrounged up.  And it was Beautiful.  And terrifying.  And I LOVED it.

I wish I could post a picture for you, but I was too wrapped up in living in the cockroach moment that I forgot to take one.  But, trust me, the picture that you have in your head right now, is pretty much dead-on-balls accurate.

XX:  I love it.  Now where the hell is my Orkin Man?!

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Later in the day, I was headed to another work site, and I saw a cool oompa loompa lurking at a crosswalk.  And then as I got closer, I realized that it wasn't an oompa loompa.  It was, in fact, a dude with a very hard-working spray tan.

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And for tonight ... they've left me in charge of the assorted candy bowl.  There may or may not be any Milky Way's left in the mix for the children.