2K, Bitch. 2K

Holy shitsnacks, people!  We're at 2000 hits on this blog!!!
Y'all are the bomb.  Like, for real.  Keep on reading, and clicking on my page (theawkwardauthority.blogspot.com), and tell your friends to search the link also, and if they have Facebook, tell them to search for the Facebook page and like it, too, so that we can keep growing.  Like a cult.  Except, not scary. And one where people can feel whatever the hell they feel like feeling, because we're all chill here.  And normal. Well, ok, maybe not normal normal, but normal like a cult of awesomeness and friendship and obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
2K, you guys.  Seriously.  This is a goddamn milestone.  Picture me standing outside your window right now, holding up a boombox like John Cusack.  Except the boombox is playing the theme song from The Golden Girls.
Thank you for being a friend, yo.

One With The Sea

A conversation between me and my mom:

Me:  I denied that friend request from Facebook

Mom:  how come?

Me:  because I feel like it's a trap

Mom:  what?

Me:  yeah, a trap to spy on shit that I say and post

Mom:  uh huh

Me:  and then they'll see how much I cuss and all of the awesome inappropriate crap that I post

Mom:  uh huh

Me:  and then they'll tell the mother and she'll try to save me with Jesus

Mom:  save you with Jesus?

Me:  yeah, and then I'll have to tell them that that ship didn't even get to sail; it got taken down by a fucking kraken

Mom:  taken down by a kraken ...

Me:  yeah, like forever ago

Mom:  uh huh

Me:  and then they'll be all, what's a kraken? and I'll be like, uh, hello. the kraken. the monster. from the depths of the sea.  and they'll be all, you got taken down by a sea monster?  and I'll be like, no, not me. my ship.  and then they'll be all, your ship?  and I'll be like, yeah, my ship of morality and fortitude, yo. and then they'll be all, well that's why we want to save you.  and then I'll have to be like, you are too late, fair do-gooders. I've become one with the sea.

Mom:  one with the sea ... 

Me:  one with the sea

I know. I KNOW.

I know.  I've been a shitty-ass blogger the last couple of weeks.  Sorry, yo.  Life happened and shit.  But to make it up to you, I'm sharing the funniest thing I've seen all week.  Seriously.  I laughed way too hard.  Like, I had an Ursula moment with crazy laughter.  All that was missing was the tentacles and cauldron.

I have no idea who made this.  It's not mine.  I found it on Pinterest.  I have to say that because of copyright and stuff.  But whoever made it a freaking genius.  And hilarious.  And my hero.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day you crazy lovelies.   Just let it happen ...