Friday, January 31, 2014

You Can't Punch People In The Throat

I feel like I need to talk about what happened to me the other night.  It was kind of an awakening.  Maybe.  I don't know.  It might not qualify as an awakening.  More like an "aha!" moment.  But then it sounds like Oprah, and we ALL know I am really not as fucking eloquent as Oprah.  So maybe not an "aha!" moment either.  I don't know.  I'll just tell you and then you can decide what the hell it counts as.

**NOTE:  Dude, spell check totally recognizes and accepts "Oprah".  It's like what happened when I wrote the post that mentioned Sigourney Weaver.  I don't blame it.  I wouldn't want to provide alternative suggestions for those names, either.  Then I'd be the program that got its red-squiggly-line ass kicked by Alien and Oprah.  That doesn't look good on anybody's resume.

Anyway, so the other night.  The sun's already set, total darkness outside.  Dinner eaten.  Work clothes changed.  Normal, right?  Uh, so not normal.  Because that's when it happened.  As I was walking to my bedroom, ready to call it a night, hit the hay, get some shut-eye, I glanced at the clock and then stared at it in horror.  6:30pm.  SIX-FUCKING-THIRTY.  I didn't even realize that shit!  All I was thinking about at the time was how tired I was from dealing with the endless array of fucktards that seemed to surround my day, and how punching them in the throat would probably only make things worse the next day because shit like that is apparently "frowned upon" by upper management, and how I should probably stop laughing when people talk to me about anger management because people who manage their anger probably don't think about punching other people in the throat. 

And then I saw the clock.  And silently turned around to rejoin the land of the living, not quite sure how to process what had just happened.  And then later that night, much much later, I finally formed a thought about it, and whispered to myself, holy shit, self. you really need to pull your fucking life together. you CANNOT fall asleep at six-fucking-thirty. ever.  because normal people don't do that.  and because making people deal with a poorly-rested you the next day will be way more effective than a punch to the throat. 

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