I stopped playing Candy Crush a few months ago. Actually ... a LOT of months ago. And I kind of forgot why, so I opened up the app today to play a round, and it took me all of 3 minutes to remember that the game is an asshole that wants to steal my joy. And possibly murder puppies and Santa Claus.
Here's how the shit went down ....
Here we go! ... Some candy crushin' bout to start in here.
Ohhhh. That's the level that I left on.
Fuuuuuccckkkk. Yeah, I remember this level now.
Sonofabitch, with the stripes. Dammitt!! I forgot that I needed a million of the stupid stripes!
Aaaarrrggghhh!!!!! I ran out of moves!
Shit. Try again.
Shit. Try again.
Shit. Try again.
Shit. Try again.
Ok, it's gonna happen this time. It's gotta happen.
Fuck.
What the shit, Candy Crush? Why are you making stripes impossible?
Fuck you, bombs! I don't need bombs! I. NEED. STRIPES.
Holy shit! I only need one more!!!!
One more, bitch! Ha! Who's the dumbass now, Candy Crush?!
The fuck? No. Why is it over? I only needed one more. I didn't get it yet. This shouldn't be over yet.
What the hell just happened?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
Oh, here it is.
Zero moves left. One stripe to go.
Shit. Try again.
(Time to next life: 16:37)
You're a real motherfucker, Candy Crush.
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