The awesome part about living in the middle of the desert? Not too many people can find you, unless you want them to. Which is actually really good for my social misfit-ness. Because, let's face it. If I were to live in the big city, I'd lose my mind with all of the noise and people and stuff, and my head would be all, What the fuck are we doing here? PACK YOUR SHIT. I WANNA GO HOME. So, aside from the godforsaken heat and occasional boob-sand (for all of you non-desert folk, that's sand that gets kicked up by the mysterious desert winds and manages to lodge itself inside the canyon that is your cleavage), my home pretty much kicks ass.
But there is one, horribly awful piece of awful-ness that isn't as tolerable as boob-sand and sun rays of death ... Shitty internet service. I've been living on my cell-phone's data plan for-fucking-ever, and I just couldn't take it anymore. Because there would be times when I'd be in the middle of typing a report for work, or writing a blog post, or surfing the internet for random cool shit like what ninjas do on vacation, and the whole goddamn signal would shut down and I'd lose everything, and I'd be all, whhhyyyyy?!?!?!?! And the cellphone data plan gods would be all, because fuck you, that's why. Or, there would be times when all the shit would work perfectly, and then ... I'd.fucking.run.out.of.data. And then I'd be all, nobody get on the internet for the next six days because we don't have any more data, and THEY WILL NOT GET OVERAGE CHARGES OUT OF ME.
And then I broke. Because as much as I'd like to think that I would love to live in Tombstone times, truth is that unless The Oriental had internet and refrigerated air, I'd be all, yo Doc, we gotta bounce. So I bought myself some wifi. And IT. IS. AWESOME.
When the internet installer guy came out to the house he was all, ok so where do you want your satellite? And I was all, where ever the hell you want to put it. And he was all, k, whatever. And I was all, yeah just make sure that motherfucker is wifi-ed up.
And then a little while later, it was all done, and the guy was like, k check your computer or your phone to see if it connects. And then I entered the code, and then I saw the wifi fan show up, and then I saw the fan start to light up, and I was all, SWEET MOTHER OF WIFI SIGNALS, IT LIVES. And then I kind of wanted to cry. And as I held back a sniffle, I softly whispered, I love you, Internets.
And now that I have wifi, I'm really looking forward to getting the Netflix. I've heard excellent things about it.